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I love non-alcoholic beer, and I think everyone should try it.
And before anyone rolls their eyes and starts muttering about “what’s the point,” let me explain something: There’s a specific moment when a cold beer is exactly what I want, but regular beer would turn me into a cautionary tale.
Picture this: It’s 10 a.m. on a Saturday. I just finished mowing the lawn. It’s 85 degrees, I’m covered in sweat and grass clippings, and my brain is screaming for one thing — a cold beer. That crisp, refreshing, perfectly satisfying reward for a job well done.
But here’s the problem with regular beer at 10 a.m.: It’s 10 a.m. Plus, what’s the point of one beer? One becomes two. Two becomes “well, what’s one more?” And by the time I’m considering that fourth beer, I might as well polish off the six-pack because at that point, the day is officially shot anyway.
Next thing I know, I’m explaining to my neighbor why I’m grilling burgers in my underwear at 2 p.m. while my family hides indoors and pretends they don’t know me.
This is where non-alcoholic beer saves the day. And my liver. And my marriage.
I used to think N/A beer was pointless. Why bother with fake beer when I could just drink water or soda? But that misses the entire point. Sometimes I don’t want water. I want beer — the taste, the ritual, the cold bottle in my hand.
I just don’t want to spend the rest of Saturday explaining my poor life choices.
The same thing happens with food. I love beer with sushi. The crisp, clean taste cuts through all that wasabi and ginger perfectly. But if I start drinking at lunch, the afternoon becomes a write-off. Nothing productive happens after 2 p.m. when I’ve had three Sapporos with my tuna rolls.
Beer and spicy food just work together; Thai, Mexican, anything with heat. But alcohol at lunch turns me into a useless human for the rest of the day. At my age, I can’t afford that kind of productivity loss. I’ve got things to do, places to be, people who expect me to form coherent sentences when the sun is still up.
N/A beer solves all of this beautifully.
And here’s the thing: It actually tastes good now. Not “good for non-alcoholic beer.” Actually good, period.
This wasn’t always the case. N/A beer used to taste like someone had described beer to someone who’d never actually tasted beer, then tried to recreate it using only sadness, tears, and regret. It was terrible — watery, flat, disappointing in every possible way.
But something changed in the last few years. The Germans, who take beer more seriously than most countries take their national defense, started making N/A versions that are basically indistinguishable from the real thing. And Germans aren’t going to half-ass their beer, even the non-alcoholic stuff. It would be a matter of national pride.
Athletic Brewing makes some solid options too. These aren’t consolation prizes anymore. They’re legitimate beers that happen to be missing the part that makes me express my love to total strangers.
The taste is there. The satisfaction is there. The ritual is there — cracking open that cold one after I’ve earned it. The only thing missing is the gradual descent into poor decision-making that comes with regular beer.
I get all the good parts without any of the “honey, why is there a half-eaten sandwich in the couch cushions?” conversations.
I’m not saying I’ve given up regular beer. When I’m out with friends, at a barbecue, watching the game, or just want to tie one on — that’s real beer time. But at home, when I want a beer but don’t want to write off the day, N/A beer is perfect.
It’s the responsible adult’s beer. The “I want to enjoy this moment without explaining myself later” beer.
I think folks should stop thinking of it as fake beer and start thinking of it as beer without consequences. Beer that lets me stay functional. Beer that doesn’t require a recovery period.
The lawn still needs to be mowed, the errands still need to be run, and the family still needs a dad who can form complete sentences. N/A beer lets me have my reward without sacrificing my day.
It’s practical satisfaction and genuine enjoyment rolled into one cold, refreshing package.
So next time someone is hot and sweaty and craving that perfect post-work beer, but they’ve still got half the day ahead of them, I’d say give N/A beer a shot. The lawn will thank them, the family will thank them, and they’ll thank themselves when they wake up tomorrow without having to piece together why there’s a garden hose in the living room.
Trust me on this one. Sometimes the best beer is the one that doesn’t make me stupid.